Circles: Collections of Infinite Imperfections

A circle. A geometric figure without corners and edges. A perfection. Even as a little boy, I've admired circles. The young child’s dreams and goals didn’t allow any corners in its perfect circle. Mistakes and failures were merely imperfections; I was afraid to become imperfect, and Thomas Edison’s all-time famous phrase was merely a set of words (no offense, I respect Edison and his spectacular inventions, but I didn’t understand how failure can be anyone’s mother at that time). Still, as I grew up and met numerous challenges, I failed.

“We are all wonderful, beautiful wrecks. That's what connects us--that we're all broken, all beautifully imperfect.”

An ironic remark by Emilio Estevez, an American actor and director. “How can a wreck be beautiful? After all, it’s a wreck, a piece of useless junk.” This is what I thought just a few years ago when I first saw these words. But after I failed in the numerous quests that hit me, I realized that I was a wreck: a polygon with a zillion corners. The more I struggled to improve and pushed my limits to become a circle, new corners appeared in my sides, diverting me away from the ideal path I designed as a child. Facing my incapability hurt; especially for an inexperienced freshman, the reality was too cruel to accept. The more I ignored the corners of my development and the more I wanted to become a circle, the burden of infinite ambitions and impossible goals pressed me harder without any return. I was lost.

However, these many failures began to make sense to this lost mind. The researches and projects I messed up gave me experience and new knowledge. The debates I lost inspired me to practice harder. The difficulties in various relationships made me stronger and wiser. I learned the lesson the hard way; challenges come with imperfections. Growing up is becoming a wreck, a wonderful and beautiful piece of junk.

Back to the circles again. Mathematicians say the figure closest to a perfect circle is an apeirogon, or a polygon with infinite sides and corners. We see Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, and etc., people who are admired: the circles of human history. But looking close, they are not circles, rather they are polygons with so many corners that they look almost perfectly round. By creating corners, we expand, we change, and we develop. Ironically, by becoming more imperfect, we approach perfection.

As long as I stay myself, a boy who will dive into anything for his treasure, I will continuously face challenges and sometimes (probably most times) fail. But, no longer a child afraid of corners, I will become my own polygon with countless edges. Never a circle. An apeirogon, maybe.